Taboo Corner Why did I have kids

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Taboo Corner is a small space on Feminist Times for women to be open about uncomfortable thoughts they have and the personal reasons behind them, helping uncover disconcerting female truths that are normally repressed and opening them up for honest debate. Feminist Times is different to other magazines in that it won’t airbrush your frown lines or your emotions… Submit your own Taboo Corner piece: editorial@feministtimes.com

My words, “If I knew then, what I know now, I wouldn’t have had children”, are usually met with derision by female friends.

I am bombarded by: “Oh how could you say that? Your boys are lovely”, and yes they are. They’re adults now and I care more about them than any other person in my life, however if I’d known the constant worry that being a parent brings I don’t think I would do it again.

I had a good job, had hobbies and interests, wonderful friends and had never been bored in my life.

I embarked on parenthood because my partner wanted children and I thought it might cause problems in our relationship if we didn’t have them. I even worried he might leave me if I didn’t.

My friends were amazed when I became pregnant and wondered how I would raise a child as I knew nothing about them and had never shown any interest in finding out. Even I had no idea how I would cope and, as an only child, babies were a mystery to me.

Ironically, their father left me anyway when they were four and five and I had the hard work of bringing them up alone.

Had my sons not been born, I do believe I could still have had a fulfilling life and enjoyed different aspects of my life and personality. Of course I can never prove this but feel sure I did not need children to “complete me” as a person.

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